Kids Say the Darndest Things

The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn’t paying attention in class. She called on him and said, “Johnny! What are 4, 2, 28 and 44?” Little Johnny quickly replied, “NBC, CBS, HBO, and the Cartoon Network!


”When I stopped the bus to pick up Chris for preschool, I noticed an older woman hugging him as he left the house. “Is that your grandmother?” I asked.

“Yes, ‘Chris said. “She’s come to visit us for Christmas.”“How nice,” I said. “Where does she live?”

“At the airport,” Chris replied. “Whenever we want her, we just go out there and get her.”


When the mother returned from the grocery store, her small son pulled out the box of animal crackers he had begged for, then he spread the animal-shaped crackers all over the kitchen counter.

“What are you doing?” his Mom asked.

“The box says you can’t eat them if the seal is broken,” the boy explained. “I’m looking for the seal.”


This little grandmother was surprised by her 7 year old grandson one morning. He had made her coffee. She drank what was the worst cup of coffee in her life. When she got to the bottom, there were three ofthose little green army men in the cup. She said, “Honey, what are these army men doing in my coffee?

”Her grandson said, “Grandma, it says on TV ‘The best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup!’”


A three-year-old boy went with his dad to see a new litter of kittens. On returning home, he breathlessly informed his mother, “There were two boy kittens and two girl kittens.”

“How did you know that?” his mother asked. “Daddy picked them up and looked underneath,” he replied. “I think it’s printed on the bottom.


”While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my four-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass.

As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, “The tooth fairy will never believe this!


”A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, “Daddy, you shouldn’t wear that suit,”

"And why not, darling?”

“You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning.”


While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his five-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased. The minister’s son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always said: “Glory be unto the Faaaather. And to the sonnn......and into the hole he gooooes.”